Christmas = depression

Well my last blog was pretty negative and full of self doubt. So I had to delete it but that is just typical this time of year for me. They say that the suicide rate is up this time of year and more people battle depression this time of year more then any other time. Some people its because of struggles with money around the holidays, others its the weather just depresses them and of course the pressure of spending that much time with family dooms a few. I dont know what does it to me but I have battled depression this time of year as long as I can remember. I remember being 9 or 10 years old and not being excited about Christmas and just pulling away from my family. Some years its really bad and I wish I weren't a live others I am just blue but can function pretty much without people knowing. I know part of it when i was a child came from having divorced parents and going to Christmas at my dads side of the family and feeling like the outsider there because me and my sister didnt spend much time with them. As I have gotten old most everything bad has happened to me from the week after Thanksgiving up until just after Valentines day. I have had engagements fail this time of year. I had the man I considered my father commit suicide the week before my bday when I was in college. There are other things but those are a few example. Basically I relate Christmas and my bday (which is Feb 4th) with bad memories and not good ones. I love seeing my family but this time of year I make short appearances and then go off by myself or meet up with my buddies and get drunk. I have used that as a crutch the last few years just get drunk and drown how I feel away. I am writing this hoping that by getting it out there I wont fall into this trap again this year. Last week I felt it happening yes part of it was because yet again something I consider bad went wrong in my life. I just want my friends to know if I pull away that this is what is going on. I am not a danger to myself I promise just need time to think about life.

Baby steps

Was working out this afternoon and realized something I really need to learn to do is take baby steps.  Most everything I have done in life has come easily and I have been known to skip steps in life.  Well lately things haven't come so easily and with that I am needing to learn to be patient.   Today I weighed before my workout on lunch and got pissed because I hadn't lost any weight since I weighed in last Monday.  I was mad because if I hadn't of drank both nights this past weekend I wouldnt be in this situation.  I was mad because the scale is not my friend.  Then I started thinking it took me how long to put this weight on.  Its not going to come off all over night.  I have done good with what I have lost this year and I have a lot more to go.  So instead of worry what the evil devil scale says im going to focus on what my clothes tell me.  I may not have lost weight but I have moved weight around.  One of these days I will get on the scale and a big number is going to fall off.  I just have to try and stay positive.  The baby steps theme can be applied to other parts of my life.  I am notorious for jumping from dating to serious relationship over night.  I am going to focus on baby steps there too.  I truly think that is why most of my past relationships have failed is they moved to fast.  So from now on Im going to slow down.  So my goal for the rest of life is to learn to be patient!

 

 

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over

6 year old baseball

As most of you know I umpire small college baseball and enjoy it.  Well last night I got demoted (not really) we had an umpire not show up for work at the organization I work for and I got the privilage to umpire a 6 year old machine pitch game.  I was the UIC and didnt have anyone else to work so I went out there to get it started until we got a younger umpire there.  It was the most fun I have had umpiring a game in years.  These kids were having fun.  They didnt care if they struck out or made in error in the field.  They were excited to just hit the ball and slide into home plate.  I am not sure if they knew who won or lost and that is a great thing.  They are playing baseball for the love of the game.  The parents were well behaved (that changes as they get just a few years older typically).  It actually was a very competitive gave the score ended up 10-9.  The game had a triple play turned and it ended with the 1st baseman making a diving stop on a ball that was hit hard most 6 year olds wont make that play he did and got the finaly out and saved the game for his team. 

Working that game made me realize how lucky I truly am.  I get the honor of getting paid to officiate a kids game.  I was lucky enough to get to play a kids game into college and now I still get to be around it.  I think I want to still be a kid at times.  I want the only worry I have is if we are getting fruit punch or grape juice boxes after the game.  I dont want to care about winning and losing anymore and just have fun.  I want to be able to make a mistake and just go on like nothing ever happened.  Though I cant do these things I think I will try and live my life like I am playing 6 year old baseball and not let a little mistake get me down any longer. 

5 reasons why it is great to be an umpire

5.   Summer time women in the stands don't wear very much

4.   Chicks dig guys with farmers (umpire) tans

3.   What else can you do where you can walk around and say I have 2 balls

2.    You can yell as loud as you want at work and no one cares its your job.

1.    You get paid to watch a baseball game.

So this afternoon when I was umpiring I realized that I enjoy it again.  Last year at this time I hated umpiring and wanted nothing to do with it.  I tried to not umpire this year because I was burnt out.  Well I was talked into doing it again and I am glad I was.  I love being around the game.  Maybe it is because I was working 14 year old baseball and it was pure again.  The kids were playing because they enjoy the game and like I did when I was that kid love the game.  Today I worked four games and I made some decent money but I would have done it for free.  I am glad I have something that can take me back to being a kid even if it is just for few hours.
  

This is Good

An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "This is good!"

"What do you mean,’This is good’? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"

"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you." "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." (Rom. 8:28)

Situations may not always seem pleasant while we are in them, but the promise of God is clear. If we love Him and live our lives according to His precepts, even that which seems to be bleak and hopeless will be turned by God for His glory and our benefit.

Hold on, God is faithful! May God bless you this week as you seek His will in every situation.

Addendum -- Genius 50:20 (NIV)   "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Reason, Season or Lifetime

By: Brian A. "Drew" Chalker

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.....

 

 

I saw this on a friend of mines page and stole it thanks Cara.  I think it is kind of fitting to my world right now. I will be the first to admit I have the most amazing friends some of you are life long friends and I have known since I was a child, others are friends I made in college and dont think I would be the same person without you. Then there are my newest friends who have come along with I had given up on things only to show me a new side to life.  I love each and everyone of you and I am glad you are a part of my life it wouldnt be the same without you.  Some of you may leave like this says and if that is the case I will be sad but I will carry on the lessons I have learned from you.  I hope each and every one of you is a lifetime friend but I will understand if you are here for a reason or just a season because my life has become better knowing you.

Bucket and Dipper

I came across this and just thought it was a great way to look at life.  I hope everyone reads this and takes as much from it as I did.  I know this is a little deep for me but hey I have my moments.

Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it's empty, we feel awful.

Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people's buckets -- by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions -- we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others' buckets -- by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions -- we diminish ourselves.

Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.

But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy, and undermines our will. That's why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.

So we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another's buckets, or we can dip from them. It's an important choice -- one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness.